Thursday, 15 July 2010
This isn't just the title of my blog... its a serious question and one that I'm looking for an answer to. So if someone could just post me the answer that would be great, thanks.
Just how long do you leave between having your first and second child?
So Baby T is only seven months old and I do think that is the teeniest bit early to be thinking of seconds but I really don't know. A friend of mine has a four month old and is thinking about putting holes in condoms (Eastenders style) because she wants another already!
I was seriously being asked by people when Baby T was just a few weeks old if we were already trying for another (with the words "lets just check if you've torn and need stitching back up" ringing in my ears), the sentence "get all the nappies over at once" was said to me several times... whats that all about? I'm sure I only had two arms when I last looked (yup, just checked again) and those are busy 100% of the time at the moment. If the in-laws had their way I'd be six months preggers now!
At lot of mums seem to pull a strained kind of smile when asked this question and say in an overly chirpy tone "You just cope". I asked a friend of mine about this expecting a similar response and she started by saying "I'll be honest with you because I wish someone had been honest with me", she had been fed the "you just cope" line and so had 19 months between her two.
She used the word "horrendous" a lot and even went on to say that the effect it had on her first was "heartbreaking" when they couldn't spend so much time together. I remember how much time I spent breastfeeding Baby T in those first few weeks... she was just like an extension of me. Honest Friend said that as soon as she had problems feeding baby 2 she gave up because it seemed like the easier, and fairer, thing to do. I felt sorry for her.
On the other hand I am also a jobless bum at the moment having given up my job as a solicitor (that's Lawyer to you American readers! learnt that lesson rather embarrassingly on a recent trip to Disney Land!) to spend more quality time with Baby T. I would like to work part time but there doesn't seem to be much out there. So should I just go for it? Properly I mean, not the sabotage of condoms route.
And lets not even start on the subject of money.....
What about the stress and embarrassment factor, surely that must double? And I thought the communal changing room experience was bad with one!
But I love my Baby T with all my heart and more. What happens to that when another one comes along? And will it make Baby T sad because I don't think I could bare that. I hate to imagine the post she would write about that!
Writing this is not being the cleansing exercise I had hoped and I am finding myself all the more confused, so like I say, if someone could just pop the answer below for me that would be awesome.
Cheerio for now!
Posted by Helen Upson at 08:37